haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
