its not stalking. its research.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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