There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize