Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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