About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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