I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
