Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
