I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
