YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
