he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
