New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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