is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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