make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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