So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
