your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
