im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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