did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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