Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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