Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize