Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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