I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
