If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The adults are the big ones right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
