hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
