peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just tell him i said nine months
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
