I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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