so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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