hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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