My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just high enough for therapy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
