On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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