Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he shaved USA in his pubs
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
