I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
