Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I need moral support for this bender
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How does one acquire holy water?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
