I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
