shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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