So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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