Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
