My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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