did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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