Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The adults are the big ones right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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