why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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