remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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