In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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