How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
