Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
