scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
