Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
