I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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