also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
