another moral hangover. fuck.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
