I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We had to coat check the pizza.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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