she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
