My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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