So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize