how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
