To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
