it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
