I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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