This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
