Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
