I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
