people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
