hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
