i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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