Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
