so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
ok first of all what the fuck
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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