lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
