life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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