well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
