she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
