I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
