Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
